Amnesia

They came flooding back, like bats before a breaking dawn. Past actions, fleeting moments, and bliss hung together only to be burned by the morning light. What had once been a place of joy had turned back in on itself, into that of apathy.

These memories, not often thought about, still evoke more attachment than what is comfortable. They were good once. Now they are simply regret.

..........................burn the past.

No Rest for the Guilty

The Fool prances and shakes, wallowing in his brief moment of triumph. Oh how the tables have turned and this one knows it. Idle fortress of cold solitude shudders again as its foundations are tested with the king's latest act of shame. Bound in chains he lies trapped, bearing his punishment for so foolishly dropping his guard and indulging in such fruitless activities. Now only the shame and guilt of inflicted pain adorn his head, his new crown. Just penance is due for this crime.

Be you reminded of this feeling should you ever be tempted again. The lashes of a weeping and broken heart are not felt by you this time around but by one you felt compelled to string along. Oh but 'twas not to string along! Simply was it to proceed blindly, unaware as to where such a place would end up. And lo, the destination is one of disgust and a sad state of affairs. The feeling of betrayal is ripe in one's chest...but not yours. Remember this well.

.................a simple lapse in judgment.

Sometimes...

...I just don't know.

Slammed Shut

Shadow collides with stone, the unmoving versus the unknown, a battle lost. Failure to move from shifting ground come so sudden left nothing but chasm beneath the foundation that was the isolated fortress. A gaping abscess with nothing to fill it. The Romantic is locked away for the rest of his life, denied any chance of reprieve, solace. The One From the Past has once again returned to memories where they will remain, not to return. All is grey, washed out, dim gloom gripping without remorse. A cause not sufficient for the consequence, this fortress falls once more to shambles of broken, fragile rock, a ghost of the lost.




.............I don't deserve this.

Challenges of Obstacles

Rising from the oily shadows has emerged a being whose might denies all who approach him from seeing the light of future achievement. Time progressively moves forward, hurtling toward this gargantuan creature with little to no regard whom it has caught in its net. No longer does this fortress of ice rely on cold isolation and grim determination to withstand what would tear down its walls, eyes now open wide, they see the inevitable collision.

Frantic work must be done, yet, residing in solitude this kingdom sits dormant, numb to the impending crisis. So many plans and wishes had for the future, naught to be realized should it remain the way it does, silent. A lone figure stalks the dank, frigid halls, muttering words of unknown to all who would hear, but only the stones do. He brings his own shadow to bear upon the snared parapets, an indecisiveness and anxiety not known for quite some time. The Cynic, with all his accusations and sharp rebukes towards what has been done, mindlessly travels the lengths of corridors spouting as much as he can before his future comes to pass.

Yet another resides within, placed upon the throne, the one who would guide this once forsaken bit of rock to a higher plane of existence. Once moving through half-lidded eyes now are cast abroad to the immense shadow yonder external gates. Before, half-blind to the dangers of the world, sliding around, through, and over all that battered away the cold stone's resolve, wide eyes see and feel the hot breath of the real force of danger approaching, turning once vacant, chilled, mortar to soft, easily moved rock. The Realist faces a new foe in the form of the world, his white knight of Confidence all but side stepping the looming shadow, and all the while the fool, Romantic, plays tunes upon his stings hoping to swoon the One from the Past all the more. Dire straights such as these demand a new course of action...but what?



.............an anchor dragged along the ocean floor.

A New Foe

I encountered a somewhat new type of opponent today. He was a confusing character, not someone that could be gauged or read very easily based on this first encounter. Words spilled from his foul lips and blackened heart which caused me to question certain things I had once held firm in. He circled me constantly, relentlessly, chipping away at my resolve, that thick sheet of ice I had constructed to keep myself shielded. What allowed him to affect me in such as way was the fact that I could not understand where he had come from or what he wanted. Standing there taking these words as both something to analyze and something personally, I was slowly poisoned by their essence. My mind was fraught with confusion.

This constant spiral into what would surly end in the ground tore me every which way as if by a violent whirlwind. My mood went from being curious to frustrated, to panic, as these hideous words and questions echoed throughout my mind, heart and soul. It was devastating. Something like this had never been felt before because this situation had never occurred. I traced the questions back to their origin, questioning their motives and reasoning only to end up at a familiar but old face: Fear. This was no traditional fear but a fear that had twisted itself to be less obvious, less blunt, more sly. Anxiety is the name this new type of fear went by. But how? I'm never stressed about anything. I keep my stress levels at a low at all times to prevent this kind of thing. Ah but I had left one area unchecked as of late, that regarding the One from the Past. Unchecked thoughts and possibilities had been running rampant because I had no idea how to deal with them properly. This created a compounded manifestation that exposed a relatively new vulnerability I had never thought to prepare against.

With the One that Got Away I did a lot of the work, putting too much stock in things and ending up with a barren home, all because I refused to see things for what they were. Doubts I should have had back then have appeared for fear of such a thing happening again. It may. It's entirely possible but I know what to look for now. This is also a completely different type of relationship compared to the other one. Changing, in minor form, to better interact with a person whom you care about but not receiving the same change is the origin of this anxiety.




................this is not a one-way street.

Withdrawal

It sneaks up when you least expect it to appear. Those sickly feeling tendrils of needing that fix, that thing that's always there that you care about so much. It has finally shown its face to which I say, "Be gone!" There is still a month yet to traverse before the proper dosage can be administered.

However it helps to bolster one's resolve when the clearing is finally reached. It also serves to confirm the existence of some deeper attachment, something that has been growing as noted before. Encouraging even if slightly painful. I do this for the One from the Past.


..............they will not be idle hands.