Relapse

I've never forgotten what happened, how things got in the way (or who), what could have been and all that jazz. That memory still lives in the back of my mind continuing on without much say from me. Again the heart and the mind battle it out for control while the personality is caught in the middle of it all. It almost seems like I've put myself back into that same position 3 years ago struggling to keep myself from unfurling at the seams. Moving on is important as is not being the one to fall for the ones I have no chance with. You reminded me of the good times and why I enjoyed spending so much time with you. Yet here I lament of love lost despite knowing I can get past it.

I think recent events are to blame for this though. The locked down mechanism stirring to action because some have found a..."key" or fuel to reawaken this out of control thing. It hasn't all been for loss however. There has been a lot of growth inside but a lack of control or direction to point the energy of that growth. Life and myself are to blame for that. I know where I have failed, where I need to improve, and so forth while life has gone on its merry way of throwing kinks in the works. That's what life does, it moves without care and we just have to make it all work as best we can.

.....I've relied too much on my own power and strength of will.