Having only 3 days to spend with the person I cared most about in the world before heading back to reality, school in this case, was rough. It was more than that though, it showed me the kind of preparation I'd have to take in order to survive in my own head.
In the moments of quiet where I have nothing to do to keep my mind focused on otherwise important issues I feel like how a crazy person must feel. Sanity seems to slip away from my grasp and fragmented thoughts begin to inject themselves into my consciousness, wanting to be listened to. These fragments, I know, come from my lack of experience. She's the one I care the most about in this world. That feeling is amazing and euphoric but I know that if I let it all go at once it will ruin everything I've worked for.
Moderation has been my presiding function, it seems, in life and I think I've done a pretty good job at keeping the right amount of whatever in check while allowing the proper amount. This emotion is completely different I've found out because...I completely care for this person. It also has to deal with having waited so long, been out of the game biding my time for the right person and now I've finally found someone. It's much like the end of a long run or race, you've reached the front of e pack and can see the finish line but you aren't done yet. I know I need to keep my vigilance up and train myself to not undergo this dramatic change. More time is needed.
...but how much longer can I wait?
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