The One That Got Away

You were perfect, you know. I didn't know it then but oh how I do now. Hindsight 20/20 eh? Really applies in this situation. We almost had our time together but it wasn't to be. Someone else moved in before I could do anything...maybe because I didn't do anything. He's pretty lucky.

I'm not bitter though. Jealous, sure. Who wouldn't be? After you see how much you've lost, only then does it sink in and it finally has. You'll always be there in the back of my mind, in that place in my heart set in stone, a memorial of what could have been. I won't dwell on it, stuck in the past, unable to move forward. No that would be stupid of me. It would only deny me the release of finding you again in someone else.

You're out there. The fact that you're here and you got away gives me hope to find you again somewhere. You helped me more than you'll know. "I never thought this would consume me." I realize what it was I felt that time ago...love. A true love that I hadn't felt before. There it was and it tore me apart, throwing everything I thought I knew out the window. I can still feel you thrumming away in my heart, a shadow of the intensity I first felt.

I'm moving on but not forgetting...I doubt I'll ever do that.

Perfection

Can it really exist? Has the formula finally fallen into my lap? These thoughts haunt me as I lay here in the dark, pondering what this could all mean....

It must still be broken down into its elemental pieces but...maybe, just MAYBE, there has been a breakthrough in its discovery. Not for me of course, but for another. Perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. "Stone cold lips and heresy..." yes it does seem like heresy but this marks the understanding I've searched for.

It does not, however, make the task which it aids any easier. I still must execute and carry out its functions. But to have the formula by which to KNOW is half the battle. Thoughts of madness cirlce my brain, on the cusp of depriving me of sleep. That's what this canvas is for, to splatter my brains upon it when such situations deem necessary. I only pray that I will not have lost this epiphany by morning. We shall see.

They Begin to Wander Again

Once again these thoughts find their own motivation perpetuated by a mere glimpse of something that could have been. It once was there but now only a phantom remains. A glancing blow of the truth that can still somehow manage to exist in this backwards, turbulent world.

"Master, master, where are the dreams I've been after? Laughter, laughter, laughing at my cries." I am not the one laughing. I hope that you see that. So quickly did we both get swept up in the feeling of it that we never checked our own judgments. We both have some fixing to do and only time will tell if we can make the proper repairs.

I've taken this existence too easily. I sit with myself not doing a thing wanting it all done on my own time and now it's catching.up to me. I hope there's still time for it all. I'm running out of it. We all are. The machinacians of my mind run and bounce against my skull with no outlet. To achieve these dreams once held would allow them to lay at rest....easier said than done. The answers are out there.

Time and Its Inconsistencies

All that has flown through my mind is this notion of time. Time is the ONLY thing that remains between you and I. It creeps and crawls for you while I am away but manages to speed itself up in my presence so that so few things can be accomplished. How long will it take? There must be a hidden trove of time lost somewhere in the scheme of our lives not yet tapped.

We move forward, seeing the clearing at the end of the path, but cannot reach it at the same time. Climbing mountains, scaling walls, scraping by the narrowest of paths while you slowly move through low valleys smiling up at me, encouraging me to meet you at the end...it seems so far away.

"The current is calling me, lolling me, waving goodbye...Save me, take me home." Washed away in this life, all things passing by with but a glance in their direction makes it hard to focus and feel just what we should.

Words on a page can only mean so much. They serve a purpose to dress up the obscurities we create while delivering the death blow we demand.

I demand time! The ability to move within my own world and not have to rush to manage the worlds of others. Continued frustration will only lead to distraction which will only destroy what I just recovered from. Be my aid and help cure me.