The Color Green

A sick and ugly thing the twisted root of jealousy. It brings with it that feeling of something lost that was rightfully mine.

..........God damn you.

Something Done Right

It's amazing when I think about it. I actually did something right when I had never been in that given situation before. How in the world...? I simply can't fathom this new info to the point where it's almost alien, if it already isn't.

Everything I did was in hopes that the outcome would be worth it and it was. Yes it ended prematurely but it was a feeling I had never experienced before. Euphoria is how I decribed it and she felt it too! I tried. I succeeded. I failed. An unfortunate end but there is still hope for down the line. This adds to the meaning.

Dead to rights MINE! THAT'S what that was! What should have been mine, everything worked, things were mutual, it was the ONE thing...I guess not everything worked out. Here's where I get a bit preachy bc I know it wasn't my doing that got me this far. God above had a hand in all this. I know He did. I had no idea what I was doing, it was a 'play by ear' sort of thing and He gave me all the notes. I prayed about this situation before hand, asking for guidance in what to do and He answered with some of the best time in my life. I thank Him.

Then there's the matter of separating. Every cloud has its silver lining and I believe I found it. Talking with her has turned my wavering held breath into a solid one because of how she felt. Knowing that I did things right adds a whole new support to what I had previously constructed. And you know what? I've called this a taste test. Before entering into things I prayed, like I mentioned. My previous posts will show how alone and empty I felt and it needed fixing because it was tearing me apart. God guided me into this relationship, then guided me out, knowing I would be filled to the brim and wanting more. Not to make Him sound like He's toying with me though. Both of us were busy with our paths of life and it would have been crazy to maintain anything. I believe that once established, like I originally planned, things can be picked back up again. I do so honestly believe that. However, I will not remain idle, for that would be foolish. I don't know what God will have in store later or how things will work. This life won't go to waste.

..........I never thought it could be done.