What Have I Done...

I'm going to break from my typical fashion of writing, being vague, using metaphors/similes and such things, in favor of focusing on what all is going on. This is more a documentation for myself in the future than anything else. This is about finally connecting and being with the one that got away.

I wouldn't call it bliss but more along the lines of euphoric. A complete and utter feeling of being whole, complete and having a different kind of happiness come from that. It feels like something that has slowly grown from the smallest spark, to an ember, to a flame, and now to a fire. Should that feeling reach a higher level remains to be seen. At the moment I'm perfectly happy and content with where I stand. But it is where I am about to move that pains me.

I'm returning back to school, a good 2 hours away from home and the girl that has brought me so much warmth in so few days. Being such a fresh relationship I fear the worst but hope for the best and use it as a chance to make things stronger. When I get back I have no doubt that I'll be able to switch gears and focus on the tasks at hand that require immediate attention. We both understand this. However I fear the most the thing that could happen: I become just another someone in her mind. There is no fear of another moving in, no. She has my complete and utter trust as I'm sure I do hers.

She kissed me for the first time today...I wish I had looked into her eyes more while I could. I am now seeing a side to her that I didn't know existed, one that was locked away much like mine but only with tighter lock and key. I'm doing all I can to not waste/ruin this precious thing I have. She means everything to me after all.

There will be a definite spring in my step, a confidence not felt ever before, a bright spot in my otherwise darker thoughts. If the memories I've managed to keep have been as powerful as they are then the new ones I've made with her will be all the more powerful. Keeping my heart and all its wants in moderation is not an easy task but one I'm happy to perform for the sake of her. After 7 years of waiting I can rest whole heartedly.

...to deserve such brilliance? I am forever grateful.

Control the World

A world that has been filled, completed, ultimate success has been achieved. Yes it has finally happened and I have a feeling of being full and whole...finally.

Prophetic

I had a dream the other night. It was depressing. In it I failed to talk with and share how much I cared for a certain individual. Normally one would just write it off as a bad dream and go about one's day. Unfortunately it involved 'the one that got away'.

My failure to achieve what I've longed to do even in my own dreams would seem like a prophecy of what is to come. But I don't put stock in such things. Instead what it made me do was look at how this whole situation is affecting me. I'm slowly being torn apart, eaten away at because action of my doing hasn't been performed.

Other related events only help to compound the matter, leaving me with anxious feelings and a dishevled mind. I've made this resolution before with little to show for it but this is different. I know I can succeed because I've done it before.

.....to ask is to receive.